DONT CALL ME A MONSTER

month

January 2013

1 post

(( Think it’s safe to say that this blog is dead. Sorry Hearts Monstercars fans. I may recreate him one day, though it might be on a new fresh blog. With some slightly different headcanons. Maybe. I dunno, we’ll see. Or not, I guess. ))

September 2012

1 post

crimescenepickleinvestigator: heartsmonstercars: crimescenepickleinvestigator: “I’m honestly more of a cat person, but this one picked me…” You pick up the dog and kiss both of his ears, curling up around him. “Heh, same here, with the cats. ‘Course, I ain’t really the type ta own pets…” “That’s a shame. I’ve got a bunch, of cats. Just the one dog, though.” You play with the dog’s tiny...

August 2012

5 posts

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “I’m honestly more of a cat person, but this one picked me…” You pick up the dog and kiss both of his ears, curling up around him. “Heh, same here, with the cats. ‘Course, I ain’t really the type ta own pets…”

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “Oh. Thanks.” You glance down at your wriggly corgi. “He’s pretty… derpy.” You chuckle a bit. “My boss is a big fan a’ dogs. Terriers, mostly.”

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “… Oh.” You fall silent, letting the subject drop. You pick up easily on subtle atmospheric and emotional changes in conversation, absorbing it like a sponge. Aside from that, you understand as well as the next guy what it’s like not wanting to talk about something. You lean back on your hand and rub the corgi’s belly. You sit in silence, watching him pet his...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: You cross your legs in the sand and pull your corgi back onto your lap. He rolls around a bit, then settles in for a nap half-hanging off of your thigh with the top of his head touching the ground. Weird dog. “I… am pretty sure I already mentioned, but I’ve never actually…. bothered learning much about your species physiology. I only work in trace, so… I don’t...

July 2012

96 posts

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: “…. Oh. Sorry, thought y4 couldn’t he4r very well. From up there.” So goddamn tall. Maybe you’re a bit jealous. Okay maybe a lot jealous. At least he couldn’t be lost in a crowd. You just grunt at her. This ain’t the first time somebody’s thought this.

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: Holy shit holy shit holy shit oh holy fucking shit he’s tall. If you didn’t know you were immortal and had such good luck you’d be worried about him crushing you under hand or foot by mistake, but even knowing this you backup quite a ways. Looks like he was right, though, he hadn’t laid in any patches of clover at all. Huh. “YER WELCOME!!!!” God, you’re not sure if you’re...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: “Y4 me4n yer g4ng right….? I kind4 know wh4tch4 me4n. Don’t know wh4t I’d do if the Felt just up n left me behind one d4y, ‘cept go lookin fer ‘em. But like I s4id, y4 don’t look like 4 monster. Y4 look more like 4n overstuffed turkey. M4ybe.” It’s hard to hate something that was looking more and more like a big depressed teddy bear. Incredibly hard. Impossible, actually. ...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: ” ‘S cos yer not 4 person, yer bigger th4n 4n oil t4nker. Yer like.. People. But y4 don’t look like 4 monster t4 me, iffen yer 4skin, which yer not. Y4 look more like 4 mount4in of 4 c4r4p4ce th4t decided he h4d t’ b4se his h4ppiness on other people” “I am a person. And I guess I could be happier if I just left the city. Got away from everyone. Didn’t have ta...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: “Sounds like quitin t4lk t4 me, Never m4rked you 4s 4 quitter, Oil Slick. Now I’m curious wh4t could h4ve brought our riv4l so low,” You feel too small sitting, so, getting back up, you poke him juuust below his eye, and then skitter back a few steps again. “Gonn4 just roll over 4n give up then????” You narrow your eyes at her. “How would you feel if you were hated...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: Eyes narrowed, you walk around in front of him again, keeping a few paces back, and then plop down in the grass, staring at him intently. “Yer too p4thetic to even put up 4 fight. I could prob4bly poke y4 in the eye 4nd y4 wouldn’t do j4ck wouldj4????” You don’t feel sorry for him— no way you’d feel sorry for him. Not a teensy tiny bit. Just keep telling yourself that,...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: He really wasn’t going to do anything was he…? Standing next to him, you can’t even find the heart to kick him that hard, more or less just kind of nudging his cheek with your foot. This is stupid. “4in’t got 4ny fire in y4 big guy????” She nudges your face and you open your eyes again, just looking at her. Yeah, you guess you don’t have much fire in you, especially...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: You tumble backwards, landing on your rear with your hat just a bit behind you. Oh no he did not just do that! You get up, dusting yourself off and retrieving your hat, checking for your clover and.. good, it’s still there. Cramming your hat back on your head, you grumble and growl about how he was going to ‘get grass stains on your best suit’. “Ought4 sock y4 in the nose...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: “Y4 don’t know th4t now do y4???? ‘Sides yer pr4ctic4lly the size 4 the gre4t w4ll, how wouldj4 know y4 4ren’t crushin em under yer v4st tr4cks 4 l4nd y4 c4ll 4 torso????” With a huff, you stomp around to see his face again, lip curled back in a snarl, “LOOK 4T ME WHEN I’M T4LKING TO Y4 M4GGOT” Maggot? No those are white. That insult had just kind of slipped and it.....

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: “4n I 4in’t in the mood to be tryin t4 push 4 c4rgo bo4t off4 the clovers so y4 best move yer big bl4ck 4ss!!!!” You shout some more, nose crinkling and small hands clenched into fists. A gun wouldn’t even help in this situation, if you’d had one. You’re barely bigger than one of his eyes, damn he’s huge. You’d stand on your tiptoes to feel taller, but.. That wouldn’t do any...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: The closer you get, the more you realize you were a bit off in calling him big as a Semi. No, this guy really could be big as the Titanic, without exaggerating. As tempting as it is to climb up this monsters back and find every single chink and joint in his (disgusting) thick black carapace and make it hurt.. it would take you for fuckin’ ever just to find a way up there,...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

timeriddles-and-luck: After what had happened earlier that day, you needed out of the mansion, away from the misfortune. Your four leaf clover tucked on the band inside your hat, there’s only one place to really go to avoid any broken mirrors or errant pepper shakers. The entire way, you avoid the cracks in the sidewalk, steps somewhat uneven at times to keep from stepping on them, until the...

>HB: Be Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future.

You are now Hearts Boxcars sometime in the future. It’s been a bad week. You’ve been in a gloomy mood for the past few days, and haven’t even left your bed. Droog convinced you to get out of the base and get some air and exercise, and now you’re in the park after walking around for a while. You didn’t really want to leave, but he whacked you on the nose with his...

fem-clubs-deuce started following you

You cock your head as you stare at this Deuce. Not only are they a woman, but they’re also one of those human-things. All these different timelines or whatever the fuck they are are getting confusing.

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “I get… really anxious…” You sigh quietly, rubbing your eyes a bit, then stare at him. Wow, he has really nice eyes. Where did that thought come from? They are pretty nice, though, you think. “……. Your eyes are pretty.” WOW WHY DID YOU EVEN SAY THAT?! You’re caught off guard a bit with that. “Oh, uh, thank ya. I don’t think they’re any...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “Oh…” You breathe a bit easier now, and try to explain to him, taking long pauses to ensure that you’re at least vaguely understandable despite the uncontrollable mumbling. “I’msorryI’mreallysorry…. I…. this phobia…. about upsetting people…… really bad…” You wish you could articulate a bit better, but nothing really helps when you get like this except a lot of time...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “I… I just…. thoughtIoffendedyousomehow…” You’re mumbling again. Awesome. You hide your face in your knees and sigh. “Pleasedon’tbeupsetwithme.” He’s mumbling and it’s a bit hard to hear, but you’re pretty sure you heard the words ‘offended’ and ‘don’t be upset’. “I ain’t upset, I was just lookin’...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: heartsmonstercars: crimescenepickleinvestigator: “…… Guess I didn’t really think that one through.” You bite at your lower lip and let the hand drop, running the other one through your hair. “Sorry.” You watch him as he runs his fingers through his hair. It’s not like you haven’t seen it before. You’ve killed and eaten animals with it. Though, on them it...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “…… Guess I didn’t really think that one through.” You bite at your lower lip and let the hand drop, running the other one through your hair. “Sorry.” You watch him as he runs his fingers through his hair. It’s not like you haven’t seen it before. You’ve killed and eaten animals with it. Though, on them it covered their entire bodies. This...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: You glance toward the indicated dune, standing up on your tippy toes in an attept to see over it, though you can’t actually see anything. Settling back down on your heels, you offer a smile and extend your hand politely, quietly wondering how this handshake is going to work. “Pickle Inspector…” Detective, eh? You chuckle a bit when he extends his hand for a shake. ...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “Oh… Well, I guess that makes sense.” You glance back toward the city and squint at all the neon and chrome and bright lights and cars. Then you look down at Derpy, who has gone to sleep in the sand. Shaking your head, you return your gaze to the other guy. “I haven’t heard of that city before, is it nearby?” “Yeah, ‘s right over that dune” you...

one-eyed-royal started following you

SLICK? WAIT NO YOU AINT HIM

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “I’m a human… You haven’t seen us before?” That’s strange, you think, rubbing the back of your head. “I see a lot of Carapacians in Vegas, pretty much all the time…” “Yer the first human I’ve ever met. I don’t really go anywhere outside a’ Midnight City and the bit a desert around it. Don’t really want to…” Really, why...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: “Yeah, it kind of is.” You glance back down at the dog. He is currently barking at a cactus. You wish his voice box would break. “…. He just sort of lead me here, I’m not sure why. He’s really… weird.” “In that case I wouldn’t let yer dog lead ya around, ‘specially if it ends up takin’ ya places ya don’t even know” you say as...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: He comes over, something else you weren’t expecting, and you twitch again because OH JEEZ HE’S HUGE. Granted, you really know literally nothing at all about Carapacian biology, so for all you’re aware that could be completely normal in his society. You try not to stare or do anything potentially offensive or rude. You glance down at Derpy, who’s just smiling and...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: You sigh and run the back of your hand across your forehead, then run the fingers through your hair and shift positions. Dropping the leash because it’s not like the dog’s going anywhere for a while, you glance around, trying to find somewhere to sit down while your derpy little corgi goes about whatever crazy dog business he’s got going on. It’s about this time that...

crimescenepickleinvestigator: You have no idea where Derpy’s been taking you, but it’s apparent that he’s going somewhere, and he is not going to stop until he gets to wherever ‘there’ happens to be. After a bit, you just kind of stop paying attention and let him lead you. You finally realize where he’s going after several minutes when he stops somewhere in the desert and starts barking down a...

You woke up not too long ago, that giant snake in your belly finally taken care of. When you woke up, you found PM’s note (which was taped to the side of your belly) with her address on it. You’ll have to visit her sometime. But right now, you’re just roaming around town, stretching your legs. You always like going on a walk around town after getting done with a big meal. Walk...

prospitian--monarch asked: Once he's asleep, you leave a thank you note and an address. In large, large print.